Lost and not found...yet

Well it's been about a month and a half since I landed in my new home for the next few years. We are settled for the most part. Renting a decent size townhouse, Hubby's working and getting ready to head to recruiting school, my son is making friends and learning so much at his new school and then there's me.

I'm feeling like I'm completely out of my comfort zone. It's not even being away from my friends and family, who I do miss dearly. It's the feeling of losing my way. The past 6 months before I left I really felt I was starting to find myself as a adult in this world. Not just Mrs. Ritter or Mommy, but as simply Ashley.

I had friends that wanted to hang out with me for me. I have had so many people take advantage of my generosity to the point their only calls were to see if I could watch their kids or drive them somewhere. It was nice to have people who would call just to see how I was doing or when I would call them they would answer and want to go get coffee or just hang out. I walk around here now and feel like a ghost. I small talk with people here I meet, but have yet to meet someone who I could really connect with on a friendship level.

I also had an amazing job that really made me feel like I could pursue my teaching dream and actually succeed. It was a joy to wake up and go to work everyday! That's a rare quality to find in a job! I had ambitions to come down here and find a school to start my degree to become a teacher, but now I'm here and that fear has snuck back in and is holding me back from finding out how to go about starting college again.

My creative spark has pretty much fizzled out as well. This is not the first time this has happened of course, but with my friends far away and not working I could really REALLY use some crafty ideas to keep me busy and inspire me. What I have though is a broken sewing machine and my perfectionist downfalls hindering the artist within. Every time I think of something to create I talk myself out of it by saying it's going to cost us money we don't have or that I'll screw it up somehow.

Maybe I'm just a little impatient and unrealistic in my thoughts here. I mean it's only been a little over a month! I guess it's going to take time for me to feel like I'm a part of this new life of mine, but right now I just feel like an observer. A bored and lonely one at that! For now I'll just keep trudging on in hopes that the spring in my step will happen once again and I'll feel like Ashley once more.